from "The SubGenius Brag Generator"

Update...I edited the generators response to tame the worst of the offense..

I steer my *own* goddamn evolution! I'm a screamer and a laugher, I wipe the *Pyramids* off my shoes before I enter *my* house, I am a *sight*! So step aside, all you butt-lipped, neurotic, insecure bespectacled aliens! They say a godzillion is the highest number there is. Well by God! I count to a godzillion and *one*! Yes baby, I'm 273 feet tall and have 666 rows o' noses; I was suckled by a python! I change tires with my *tongue*!