The Holiday of Holidays

The Holiday of Holidays

There are holidays for presidents,
Groundhogs and Lovers.

The calendar honors Halloween,
Fathers and mothers.

Now take out your date book.
Find the section for May;

Mark down a celebration so special
It's awarded a month plus a day!

This holiday is unique -
No feasts, parades or an elf;

For the 7th day of this month
Calls for a gift to oneself.

Some holidays are limited
To a particular nation or state;

But here is one that's followed
By all who masturbate.

Masturbation Day is commemorated
By individual and personal picks -

Toys, videos, a scented candle,
Use imagination to get your kicks.

Spread the word! Tell your friends!
Try e-mail or the phone;

Raise the flag! Independence is declared!
Time to set off fireworks of your own.

Happy Masturbation Day!

by Tricia 3/5/2000
Masturbation Poet Laureate